I’ve been estranged from writing in the journal for a while.
Post race season depression, pre race season depression. Not anything stunning to write about, everything seems mundane, routine.
Though it is not.
I’ve hired another mechanic at the Veloshop so we’ve got 3 plus me working away. Still, I’ve been far too busy to sit down and find a second to put my thoughts down.
“I hate going to Mexico” I’ve been known to say.
It does not fit with my politics. I could never justify going to one of the poorer countries in the world and playing tourist. I does not feel right. It makes me feel really gross. But, being in a relationship means making compromises and doing stuff you normally would not consider doing. Plus, I wanted to go. It was a blast. I’ve never taken a real vacation as an adult. I remember Disneyland as a kid, before my parents split up, and I did a cx country road trip with a really mean ex-date a bunch of years ago. But I have never gone on a trip for the sake of going and just sitting around and relaxing.
I have not let myself forget about (read: not stress about) the Veloshop for the last 5 years and in Mexico I did not think about the shop for a day or two. That was a first. Maybe someday in the next few years I’ll be able to stop stressing out every single day about all the shit I need to do for the shop and it will run itself. I have f’ing nightmares about this shit every single night!
It is clear I keep getting sick because of stress. When work gets crazy, I get sick. Though besides hearing: “you sickly vegans!” I am getting the impression that I have allergies. If a head cold and congestion lasts for more than a week, it is not really a head cold anymore.
Smashed my knee pretty good riding mountain bikes last night. “so, blahblahblah, Sven Nys, blah blah bl… OUCH fuck!!” Feels ok now. A little stiff. Mountain bike school is fun and hard. Yesterday was one of those days when you are not mentally prepared to suffer. The legs hurt just riding to Sellwood and when we started going uphill I felt like I was treading water.
I’ve got tons of work to do this spring to get ready for the summer!