living in portland coming and going

I wake up suddenly on most mornings at about 4 or 5am. A couple hours before my alarm and, typically a few hours before I actually get out of bed. (And right about when the Condor gets out of bed and heads to work.)

This happens often when there is a lot on my mind. And there is a lot on my mind. I just can’t sleep. I stay up late thinking, trying to distract my mind with Sci-Fi novels. I toss and turn all night and wake up at odd hours. I would not call myself distracted and, if anything, I am focused, feeling balanced and on top of the typical-for-Molly life and workload.

There is a world of wants and needs in front of me. And, history shows, I am one to seize the moment and make it happen. But this week and, this morning is one of those… “yo!” (to myself) “whats the point of it all?” Sometimes I feel like I am banging my head against a wall trying to make amazing things materialize and become reality.

I spoke with my pal (and coach) Adam Myerson last night for the first time in months and it was like a 30 minute re-cap of my summer and autumn up to this point. After we got off the phone, I was like, whoa. It is a miracle I’ve made it this far, this year has been completely nuts! This was followed by hours of looking at flights to try and race UCI cyclocross in North Carolina this weekend. ha! I’m a glutton for suffering.

And now here I am. 10 minutes before a meeting and wondering what the hell kinda trouble I am going to get myself into in the next few days, weeks and months. There is a lot of beauty in this world. Beautiful things to create and beautiful things to experience.

I can’t stop myself from doing everything full-on.